


Keep Me Safe

by percyval



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Complete, Dating, Depression, Eggsy Has Anger Problems, Fluff and Angst, Harry Comforts Eggsy, IT GOT SEXUAL, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Spy Umbrella v. Rain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-15 22:25:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5802430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/percyval/pseuds/percyval
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You are not broken, no matter what you say, and even if you were, I'd love you regardless."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one is going to be different and fun. I've never attempted to write mental stuff like this, so here I go!

Harry's return had left an odd feeling turning itself around in Eggsy's stomach.  
  
He knew he was happy that Harry was alive and well, that his mentor, and more importantly, father figure hadn't left him a second time.

The day he returned from Kentucky with an eyepatch and a small smile playing on his lips, Eggsy certainly knew he was thrilled. He knew that this was all good, and he knew that he was happy, and that he had missed Harry more than he cared to admit.

But that was only for one moment

Once the smile and the one hug Eggsy found solace in ended, his face dropped. It fell limp, it sat in a resting, slouched way. He looked to be frowning just ever-so-slightly, his eyes staring down at the ground as Harry greeted Roxy. He breathed out slowly, and left to the main room of the tailors.  
  
And he silently sat there three hours, and no one had noticed he'd left.  
  
This had only been the first instance.  
  
\--  
  
Harry came down, and leaned against the head of Eggsy's chair, smiling down at him only a slight bit.  
  
"You left while Roxanne and I chatted. Why is that?" His tone was curious, but it still had that Harry charm to it.

Eggsy just now realized someone else, besides the tailor, was in the room with him. But he didn't react too much.  
  
"What? I didn't leave then."  
  
Harry furrowed his brows.  
  
"Then why did Merlin tell me that you'd left?"  
  
"Why did Merlin tell you so late that I'd gone?"  
  
Harry knew he wouldn't be getting far if he kept asking questions.  
  
"He told me after I talked with Roxanne that you had left. I decided to give you some room, and I think three hours was a good period of time for you to be alone. Do you not agree?"  
  
Eggsy didn't have much else to say after that.  
  
He shrugged.  
  
"Why'd you come now?"  
  
"Because I expected that you would be happy to see me after thinking I was dead for a month."  
  
Eggsy shrugged again. "I _was_ excited to see you."

Harry felt that as a cold twist in his gut.  
  
He stood up, and left. He would talk to Eggsy later, and hope to figure out what was going on with him.  
  
But for right now, it seemed best to let Eggsy be alone, to let him breathe.  
  
\--  
  
This persisted for three days. Eggsy was near-unapproachable, he would either react with anger and annoyance, or he'd stay distant and ignore whatever anyone said or did to make him acknowledge him.  
  
Roxy would make sure Eggsy ate, made sure he didn't just sit in one place and go totally numb. She never said a word, just in some sort of attempt to keep him from reacting too violently or not at all.  
  
Until Wednesday, when Eggsy was back to his normal self. He went back home to Michelle and Daisy, he visited Kingsman every now and again, and he seemed content with life again.  
  
No one could figure out what led him to being so distant and hostile only three days prior.  
  
Harry visited on Friday, he gave Michelle flowers and he smiled at Daisy who didn't acknowledge him, and he saw Eggsy hunching over himself on the stairs.  
  
He immediately walked over, and knelt down beside him.  
  
"Are you alright, Eggsy?"  
  
His warm hand rested on Eggsy's shoulder.  
  
His face brightened, but Harry couldn't see.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Why're you here?" He looked up once his face had settled.  
  
"I just wanted to make sure you were doing alright, Eggsy. Outside of Kingsman."  
  
That last part didn't fully resonate with Eggsy, until he thought it over later that night.  
  
"Would you like to hang out sometime then, Harry?" He smiled. "If you can hang out with people who ain't Kingsmen?"  
  
Michelle looked over her shoulder, and watched as they talked like close friends. Just like how Lee used to talk with Harry.  
  
"I'm sure I could find time for us to get together again, Eggsy. And maybe we will run into each other, as well. I'm glad to see you still wish to associate with me."  
  
Eggsy hugged Harry for the second time in a week.  
  
And he left, and Eggsy never felt more giddy.  
  
\--  
  
Sunday, Harry and Eggsy met at a breakfast diner. Harry was back from a mission, and he insisted on seeing Eggsy again.  
  
It was odd how often he wanted to see his recruit. He hadn't made it, but he kept trying to get it touch with him, calling him, all of that odd stuff.

Eggsy had pancakes and about three glasses of ice water, and Harry had a muffin and honey tea, which he did adore once he'd had it made proper.  
  
As Eggsy attempted to finish his food as quick as possible, Harry tried to stir up conversation.  
  
"How have you been doing lately?"  
  
Eggsy stopped and smiled.  
  
"I'm okay, guv. Wasn't feelin' it yesterday, but I'm better today."  
  
Harry noted the little nuances, which letters were dropped, what abbreviated phrases Eggsy would use for any given person. It was a fun sort of exercise.  
  
"I'm glad. What are your plans for today?" Keeping the ball rolling was all he had to do right now.  
  
Eggsy cut a little square up, and chewed it quick.  
  
"I'm probably gonna stay inside. I'm not in a restless mood today."  
  
"'Not in a restless mood.' That's a new phrase."  
  
"Probably not," Eggsy throat-laughed as he poured a dot of syrup on his last slice of pancake.  
  
Harry let himself rest against the back of his chair, and sipped his tea again.  
  
"I'm happy to see you again."  
  
"You've been seein' me a lot, Harry. What's up?" He ignored the last slice of pancake and looked up at Harry.  
  
Harry was unsure what to say.  
  
Eggsy kept his gaze expectant, but he was sure something really was up.  
  
"Well, I've been worried about you since what happened on Monday. I'm just trying to make sure that you are feeling well, and that you continue to feel well. I think it's in your best interest to feel well, am I right?"  
  
Eggsy smiled a bit, and then he shrugged.  
  
"I guess it'd be good if I kept feeling okay."  
  
Harry smiled.  
  
"Shall I walk you home?"  
  
Eggsy shook his head, grinning.  
  
"Nah, old man, don't want you to break a hip." He chuckled.

Harry nodded, and stood up.  
  
"I insist."  
  
Eggsy grinned, and held onto Harry's arm.  
  
"It's raining. Does your spy umbrella do rain?"  
  
Harry clicked it open, and held it above them as they walked.  
  
Eggsy couldn't help but admire Harry for all he'd been doing recently. He'd been going an extra mile Eggsy didn't expect, but was beginning to like.  
  
The rain seemed to get heavier, and with every extra sheet of rain soaking their shoes, Eggsy grapsed on just a little tighter to Harry, and brushed up just a bit closer. For keeping dry, obviously.  
  
Harry dropped Eggsy off right at his door, and Eggsy smiled.  
  
"Thank you, Harry. Breakfast was really good, and the walk home was nice."  
  
Harry held his umbrella above his head, and Eggsy stood under the awning above the entrance to his door.  
  
"Yes, well, I should be on my way," Harry was about to leave, and Eggsy tugged quick on his sleeve, his eyes suddenly taking on a worried look. His brows arched into scared slopes, and he was staring saddened daggers into Harry.  
  
"You _will_ see me again, alright?"  
  
Harry almost frowned, and he embraced Eggsy once more. A tighter, firmer hug. One that promised they'd see each other again, one that promised stability, one that made his heart race and his head pound. His arms enfolded the boy, and they stood like this a while, until the wind picked up, almost blowing Harry's umbrella from between Eggsy's side and Harry's elbow.  
  
The two watched each other for only one moment, and then Harry stood before him.  
  
"If I do not have any missions this week, I'll definitely make time to see you, Eggsy." He smiled, and the look made Eggsy do just the same.  
  
"Bye, Harry."  
  
"Goodbye, Eggsy."  
  
And then he was gone in an instant. Either Eggsy wasn't paying attention, or Harry sped off.  
  
But he leaned against the doorway, and sighed, pulling his keys out of his pocket.  
  
\--

Later that night, Eggsy needed affection and love more than ever. He needed to be shushed, wrapped in warmth and drenched in kisses and nuzzles.  
  
He threw his jacket across the room, shirt and pants following. Every article of clothing on his bedroom floor was being tossed viciously against the wall. He threw his pillows too, he kept throwing objects until he stopped his Hulk-like anger.  
  
His temper settled down after a while. It washed over him with pure relief. He exhaled hard, and sat down on the ground, leaning against his bed.  
  
JB was thankfully out with Daisy and Michelle, but it was highly likely they all heard him, and all were disappointed.  
  
Eggsy felt his chest tighten at that thought.  
  
But no, he wouldn't cry. That would be the weakest thing he possibly could do.  
  
He'd already vented out his frustration, all the stupid thoughts he'd had earlier about Harry Hart, all the fucking annoying texts he'd sent Roxy about how he loved that man, about how he enjoyed his company and found him attractive in a suave bachelor way.  
  
Eggsy would have shrieked into a pillow if he could afford to.  
  
Instead, he scooted over on his ass to the pile of clothes, and picked out his pants.  
  
While throwing them, his eye caught a sharp, intense white falling out of the back pocket.  
  
He slipped his hand in, but found nothing.  
  
So he threw them even harder against the wall, and he crossed his arms. He felt stupid and pathetic, he felt like the world's angriest toddler who didn't get the sweet they wanted, but 1000 times worse simply based off the fact he was a 23 year old.  
  
He dug through the pile of clothes, hoping to find that flash of white, whatever it be.  
  
On the floor, a small, folded piece of paper had been crumpled beneath tossed clothing.  
  
He picked it up, and opened it with caution.

"Have a lovely day, Eggsy. - Harry"  
  
The handwriting almost threw Eggsy off as to the message, but he decoded it quickly.  
  
He set it down, and breathed out, and he acknowledged he hadn't brushed his teeth that day.  
  
And now he had a reason to remember that tedious task.  
  
Eggsy had a _lot_ of thinking to do, and a _lot_ of texts to make to Roxy.


	2. Chapter 2

 

Tuesday rolled past, and for the past two days Eggsy had been lying in bed, doing not much of anything.  
  
Of course, he got up every now and again because humans require that kind of thing, but really he was stuck in a cycle and he hated that feeling.

The inadequacy of feeling empty and useless chilled him to his core.

So he got up, and immediately sat back down. He had thirteen unread texts. And that had only been from yesterday.

Roxy sent about eleven of them, and Michelle had sent the other two.

"R U coming downstairs?"

"I'm relying on Roxy 2 get U out of bed."

His brows furrowed, and once again he felt like nothing.

Eggsy moved onto Roxy's texts.

"C'mon, get ur sorry arse outta bed."

"We're all cheering you on, Eggsy!"

She sent a picture of herself, Merlin, Harry, and Percival standing in a close huddle, sending a selfie of themselves waving and smiling. The tailor stood in the back, staring at his book of mystical tailor info.

Eggsy could at least smile at that.

"Hey, u loser, Harry and I are gonna get drinks tonite after successful mission. Wanna come?11/1!"

That one was sent only an hour or two ago.

"If I can get outta bed, sure."

Roxy immediately texted back.

"YOU RESPONDED!" With firework and confetti emojis.

"Yeh, I'm awake rn."

"We're gonna go to the pub u and Harry went to when u met. That cool?"

"Sure."

"Get dressed, k?"

Eggsy got up, sitting on the edge of his bed. Only thirty minutes to prep.

First he brushed his teeth and combed his hair, and realized he hadn't showered since Harry invited him to breakfast.

Hot water turned cold extremely quick, and that's when Eggsy was properly jolted awake.

He pulled on his plaque jacket, a white shirt that was still clean, rumpled black pants, and white shoes and dashed out the door, pulling on his cap. His phone was tucked in his pocket, along with 6 pounds and a few sticks of gum.

The pub was walking distance, and it was always good to get a walk in.

His legs were sore from spending two days curled up in bed, but he thankfully was still able to properly move.

"Rox I'll be there just a sec!"

"Harry's on drink 1 and I'm on 2 and no 1 here is buying. $$$"

Eggsy stood outside the door, and felt a smile creep on his face.

He pushed open the door, and the bar was near empty.

Three guys at the bar, and Roxy and Harry at the booth farthest to the back.

"Eggsy!" Roxy greeted, hugging him tight.

Eggsy hugged back, a quite genuine smile curling.

Harry insisted Eggsy sit by him, and he agreed, sliding in quickly.

"What do you want? I'm buying." Roxy leaned herself onto her elbows over the table.

Harry raised his pint and tipped it back, finishing the last of it off in one short gulp.

"I'll have what he's having," Eggsy laughed gently, and Harry melted his cold exterior.

Roxy raised her hand to the bartender. "Three more of the same!"

She sat back down after the man nodded back to her, and she smiled at Eggsy.

"You look so good tonight, Eggsy," she took both his hands. "Thanks for coming tonight, it means a lot. That you still want to see us, for example."

Eggsy chuckled, and nodded.

"I wouldn't try to avoid you, Rox." His eyes wandered over to see Harry start leaning into the conversation, as well.

He gave a small grin at Eggsy.

"It's good to see you again,"' he added, and the two watched each other till their drinks came.

Roxy took one pic before they turned away from each other, and sent it to Merlin. He was pleased with it.

"You'll stop saying that soon, I know it." Eggsy grinned.

Harry shook his head.

"I will always mean it, Eggsy."

Roxy gave a slight smirk, and stirred her drink.

Eggsy took a long sip of his Guinness, and Harry's knee bumped Eggsy's.

"So, what have you guys been doing 'round Kingsman?" He inquired, and thought nothing of the knee-bump.

Roxy motioned at Harry to say something, and he smiled at her gently.

"Typical missions, nothing out of the ordinary." He stated quite unfased, and Roxy kicked him under the table.

"Nah, we've been doing more than that, I'm sure. Lotsa sky-diving. Fun stuff," she reassured, and Eggsy took another sip of his pint.

\--

Ten combined pints later, Eggsy, Roxy, and Harry were leaving the pub. Roxy went off to her car, and waved goodbye at the two.

It was around two am, and Eggsy wasn't going to let himself walk home alone while he had three pints in his system.

His energy had been drained from the conversation, and all the interaction he just had to face. He was unsure at that point if it had been a good idea to go to the pub.

"Eggsy, I'll walk you home, I assume?" Harry asked, and Eggsy smiled a little, somewhat weakly and feeling a bit defeated.

"Yeah, alright, that'd be fine."

Eggsy took Harry's jacket, and noticed just then that he'd stayed dressed up, despite being off work for the night.

"Why're you still dressed up, bruv?"

Harry looked down, and he shrugged.

"I have become used to wearing my Kingsman attire, I suppose."

Eggsy grinned.

"You look like a lawyer. A lawyer who could kick somebody's arse in court!" He cackled loudly, and Harry shushed him by covering his mouth.

Eggsy didn't fight it, he allowed it, in fact.

His breath tasted like stout and Harry's probably did, too. So there wouldn't be much going on if they kissed now.

It was getting annoying now how he was waiting for  _something_ to happen between he and Harry. Nothing would get done if he just admired Harry and gave him lingering stares and smiled every once in a while. And Harry seemed like he was completely interested, as well.

Harry standing outside Eggsy's house in the rain, hugging him, it seemed like the exact moment they'd finally crash together.

But no, Harry just slipped a note in his pocket and left. It was getting close, but it wasn't getting there as quick as Eggsy pleased.

Now they were only a block from Eggsy's place, and he wanted to make sure something good would happen tonight, as a reward for all he had done while at the pub.

"Harry?" Eggsy asked as they approached the front door.

"Yes?"

"You do like me, right?"

Harry nodded.

"I _like_ you quite a lot." There was a coy smile playing on his lips.

Eggsy grinned.

"Good. 'Cause I like you, too." He faced Harry.

Harry brushed down the sleeve of Eggsy's jacket, and his face warmed up.

"Define 'like.'" He locked his gaze with Eggsy.

"Well, I find you attractive, and I think you're cool, and I am really into you."

Harry smirked.

"Well, that is one way to phrase it."

Eggsy smiled, and Harry took one of his hands in both of his.

"I would love to talk about this now, but it's late, and I need to get home, and you need to get in bed." His eyes went sorrowful, and he leaned down to kiss Eggsy's hand.

He stopped suddenly, and all he could say was "ah, what the hell?"

Harry kissed Eggsy, and Eggsy kissed Harry, too.

They held tight onto each other, the wind was crisp and cold, it slipped between their layers of clothing. But they were warm.

Eggsy ran his hand down Harry's shoulder, and brought it back up again. His heart was beating normally, but his lips tingled almost uncomfortably.

Harry pulled him in by small of his back, and nearly smiled into the kiss.

They broke apart after a moment, and stood in the afterglow. They still were trapped within their embrace, and Eggsy leaned against him.

A near-silence followed. Harry left, and Eggsy tried to kiss him once more before he left. He wasn't sucessful, but Harry did promise it wasn't one-time.

Eggsy leaned against the door, and this time, his stomach was turning and his legs felt weightless. His mind was racing and he could still feel Harry's lips on his.

He walked inside, and flopped into bed, the alcohol and the kiss swimming in his brain.


	3. Chapter 3

 

Wednesday didn't start well.

Eggsy stormed downstairs, but he was quite silent. His breathing was heavy and his gaze was cold, he could have turned a person to stone.

He didn't stay down long. Daisy was making her usual toddler noises, and Eggsy found them particularly infuriating today. He clenched and unclenched his fists until he finally screamed out "Oh my fucking god, shut up!"

Then he ran upstairs, and only after thirty minutes Michelle could hear him crying from up in his room.

He'd had one of the best nights of his life only the night before, but today it just wasn't working out how he planned. Well, if he'd planned his day at all.

Eggsy pushed himself deeper into bed, and he wiped his eyes on the pillow cases.

His phone buzzed, and he ignored it, as per usual. His back rose and fell harshly, and it was hard to hear him cry like that. Really cry. That sound coming out of Eggsy wasn't a good sign. He was normally good at keeping his emotions pretty controlled. But for the past week or so, he'd just been acting up, and that wasn't exactly normal for him. Everyone could recognize that Egsy wasn't acting normal, but they didn't say too much.

All the reaction he was getting was Harry acknowledging how he wanted to keep seeing Eggsy, and then again, with that he could only assume.

Oh god, _now_  his thoughts raced back to Harry. He sat up in bed, and noticed one or two missed calls. And a few texts. Roxy and Harry were bombarding him with attention the moment he didn't want it. Eggsy flipped through his phone, and listened to the voicemail Harry left him while he read the texts.

"OMG, Merlin told me evrything!!!! U and Harry, aye?" With a hand doing an "okay" sign.

"Harry had his (glasses emoji) on, he saw u 2 kiss!"

"Was that last txt 2 forward?"

"Im all 4 u and Harry, k?"

"Shut up, Rox, I'm fine. K?" Eggsy texted back quite fiercely, his screen would have broke if he'd tapped it another time.

Next he played the voicemail.

"Hello, Eggsy. You aren't picking up your phone, so I'll make this brief. Merlin's sent me on a mission for a few days over in the States. So this could end terribly or I'll come right back to England. Roxy will be keeping an eye on you for me, alright? Bye."

And then it ended. And it sounded so nonchalant, like he didn't care that he could die. Eggsy shook his head, and called in.

"Hello?"

"Harry! Oh god, Harry, hi."

"Eggsy, hello. Did you get my message?" His voice sounded quite casual.

"Yes, I did. You're going back to the States?! Why are they sending you?" He glowered, but, of course, Harry couldn't see that.

"I'm sorry, Eggsy, we were sort a few Kingsmen, they're on other missions. Merlin didn't want to send me, but I was a last resort. It'll only be about three days."

Eggsy's mouth gaped, and then he shook his head.

"No, Harry, you almost fuckin' died last time you went there, remember?!"

Harry was flattered at how hard Eggsy was trying to convince him, but he knew there wasn't too much he could do.

"I'm very sorry, Eggsy, I wish I didn't have to go, myself. But I will live, and you will, too. So please, please do not worry yourself."

His eyes were red again, and he leaned down, covering his face. He let one sniffle loose.

"Alright, that's fine, Harry. Roxy'd tell me what happened, right?" He could barely breathe correctly.

"Yes, I would hope so. Eggsy, are you crying?"

He shook his head, and wiped his tears on the back of his hand. He wasn't supposed to be this emotional.

"N-no, I'm not. I'm just fine!" He faked a happy tone, but it more or less sounded like him screaming.

"Please don't cry. Alright, I'll hang up now, let you get back to your day, yes?"

"No! I'm not doing anything tday, can we please keep talking?"

Eggsy felt himself unable to breathe, and he pulled the phone away from his ear a moment. He inhaled harshly, and he wiped his eyes, and he felt like a small child again. It wasn't like him, he didn't feel like himself, or barely even a human being at this point. He hid underneath his covers, and he started to talk again. This time, however, he felt more inclined to be somewhat honest.

"Eggsy?"

"Yes?"

"Once I return from the mission, would you like to go out?"

"What do you mean by 'go out?'"

Harry breathed out on the other end, and he thought over what to say.

"I mean, that I would like to take you out some evening. Possibly dinner, or a movie."

"So, like a date?"

"You could call it a date."

Eggsy felt a small smile start on his lips.

"Well, maybe. I'll agree if you return safe and sound."

Harry laughed.

"Okay. Goodbye, Eggsy."

"Bye, Harry."

Click.  
  
\--  
  
"So, you and Harry really are getting close, right?"

Roxy on getting some information out of Eggsy on their "coffee date."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Like what?" She added milk to her coffee, and some sugar, as well.

Eggsy chucked a little sugar packet at her, and she nudged him.

"C'mon, are you two going out yet?"

"He's off in the United States, how the hell am I supposed to know?"

She grinned.

"Well Merlin went on about you two kissing a little while back. He was so happy for you two, and he was about to deem you two an old married couple."

Eggsy smiled at that.

"Did he plan that?"

Roxy rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't go  _that_ far. Likely all he wants is for you two to be happy together. Seeing as, y'know, you two are near-humping."

Eggsy laughed a little.

"We aren't! He kissed me once and we might be into each other. Does that mean we have to go out?"

Roxy furrowed her eyebrows.

"Eggsy, please don't deny you like Harry at least a bit. And that he doesn't like you at least a little bit." She grabbed his shoulder, and he sighed.

"I won't say I'm 'in love' with him, if that's what you're wanting me to do."

Roxy shook her head.

"You are too stubborn for me to crack." She grinned, and walked over to the sitting area.

Eggsy followed, and sat down beside her.

They sipped their drinks and Eggsy turned to Roxy.

"Do you think I'm pathetic at romance?"

Roxy turned, and shook her head, a small smile plastered onto her face.

"No, Eggsy. I think you just have problems with denying who you are, and what you like."

And he sat back in his chair, and sipped his black coffee.  
  
\--  
  
"I'm not pathetic, I'm not denying what I'm doing with Harry. I'm not denying whatever I feel for him. I'm just uncomfortable."

"Pfft, tell that to that kiss you had. Would've popped a boner if you weren't in this funk."

"What funk?"

"Emotional funk, you fuck. You haven't noticed your stupid moodswings and your inability to function on some days? Then you're peachy keen in a few hours?"

"Well. . .I kinda did, maybe."

"Well maybe you should think a bit more about that, what with your mind already filled up enough with Harry."

Eggsy stared dead-on into the mirror.

"Shut the fuck up. I don't need to. It hurts to think."

"Maybe it would hurt less if you didn't go over every microscopic detail of that goddamned kiss. It meant nothing. You and Harry are nothing."

"What if we are?!"

"You aren't, you know goddamn well you aren't. You know that you two are doomed, because he's an old man with a little boy fetish and you're a fuckboy with a daddy kink."

Eggsy stood back, and he shook his head. His shoulders went broad.

"No, there is something there, and I'm not gonna waste anymore time with it!"

"To quote a chav, 'Shut the fuck up.' You have no chance, and you can only hope you do."

Eggsy stood down. "Fuck off."

"Is that all you have left?"

The taunts roared on, they made his blood boil, and he clenched and unclenched his fists.

Eggsy raised his right, and he smashed the mirror. Shards of broken glass exploded out of the frame, and blood flew out, too.

He fell back against the wall, and stared at himself in the fractured remains of his enemy. His brows were furrowed, and he looked utterly disgusted.

And he'd been Eggsy all along.  
  
\--  
  
At his time in Kingsman, Eggsy had learned how to properly suture and clean and bandage a wound.

After he'd carefully removed the broken mirror from the flat, he wrote an "IOU one mirror" to Michelle, and he bandaged his right hand. Stupid to punch with that one, but it was dominant.

His thumb had suffered the least amount of damage, and he was thankful he could still do minor texting and make calls.

He sat down in his bedroom, and checked his phone.

"R u alright?" from Roxy.

"Took Daisy 2 the park. Takeout?" from Michelle.

He responded to both over the course of ten minutes, and he lied himself down into bed.

Eggsy never really liked being in bed, unless sex was counted, but now he was perfectly lethargic. He couldn't believe how only about a week had changed him, but he couldn't exactly question it. The transition felt perfectly natural, and it was only with the few pointers he was given that he felt something truly was wrong.

He simply curled up tighter, while his phone buzzed.

And he tuned it out. Like he'd become so used to.


	4. Chapter 4

 

It took Eggsy half the day to realize that Harry was supposed to be back tomorrow.

He could have jumped with joy and eagerly awaited his possible love interest with hugs and kisses and small talk.

It would have at least made his face brighten a moment or two.

But now he anxiously awaited until Saturday. Harry would be back, he would go to Kingsman but then go to Eggsy. He'd tell him how he missed him, he'd wrap him up in his arms and Eggsy would feel that happiness he was missing.

The two would be inseparable for at least a week, until Harry had to return to missions and paperwork. How would he waste time when Harry was at work?

He thought it over somewhat dilligently, and came to the conclusion he should get a job.

That sounded perfectly fine, and doable. Until he remembered it was constant.

All his determination drained from him, and he flopped back onto the couch.  
  
\--  
  
He walked himself over to the pub that night, and he sat down at the booth. He had his money in his pocket, and before the night was over he'd spent it all on pints he toasted to a man who wasn't there.

His right hand remained tucked in his pocket as to not disturb it, and he swallowed hard as the pub was closing down, and he had nowhere else to go.

So he finished it off quick, and walked right out, out onto the street.

Rain poured down, and Eggsy felt a bit defeated. He truly felt lonely.

He was utterly buzzed, and if he moved an inch he would feel compelled to puke.

So he stood, and he thought over what had just happened.

He'd drunk himself silly for no reason.

Now, that was close enough to proper Eggsy, but in all reality he knew that something wasn't right.

So Eggsy walked down to the tailors.  
  
\--  
  
He knew it was unlikely the tailors would appear open, and surely enough, the closed sign was still swinging in the window.

But he stared in, and he saw the tailor put out the fire, and he started moving towards the door.

He jumped at just the sight of Eggsy, and he covered his chest.

"Can you not get in? No one else is in tonight, but I can let you in."

Eggsy looked down at his feet, and tried his best to keep his words clear.

"Iss Gala-Arfur in?" His attempt was in vain, but the tailor shook his head.

"He'll be in tomorrow. I'll reach you once he returns."

"No, it'sfine. He'll call me." He nodded, and started walking back home.

The tailor waved, but Eggsy was back on his journey.  
  
\--  
  
"Eggsy! The tailor just called me, what are you doing out so late?!"

Eggsy didn't know how he'd accepted the call, but he was stuck now.

"I went to the pub and here I am. At the bus stop. And the bus ain't coming till the morning."

Roxy sounded extremely worried.

"Eggsy, just go home, please!"

He flinched.

"Shhhh, you'll wake up the neighborhood. I'm going home, one seccc."

Roxy sighed on the other end.

"Goodnight, Eggsy."

"Goodnight, Roxy."  
  
\--  
  
By the time he'd even reached the complex, he'd puked into three bushes and he'd stopped more than that because his legs were giving out.

It was safe to say he was having a rough night.

"Eggsy, oh my god!"

Michelle hugged him close once he walked through the door, and he didn't acknowledge it until she'd sat him down on the couch.

"Darling, Harry called. He said he wanted you to go over to his house tomorrow, Roxy had been telling him what you've been doing. Did you really break the bathroom mirror?"

He couldn't process this, and just got up, and walked out.

Michelle followed, but then she just insisted on standing down. It wasn't her preferred method, but she knew it best.  
  
\--  
  
Eggsy curled up, and he hoped his hangover would just start already.

He kept looking at his call logs, and kept feeling his heart pang.

"Please, just let him come back."

His luck had to have run out by now. This was all because of the stupid shit he'd done, everything he'd gotten wrong in the past few months.

All he'd been doing to worry and upset Michelle and Daisy, he felt some cruel disappointment gnaw at his chest.

He couldn't manage one smile to even remotely cheer him up.

Eggsy lied in bed, and it was becoming constant, and he suddenly was settling for constant.  
  
\--  
  
By the time the morning had rolled past, he'd fallen asleep. He wasn't woken up until 3 pm.

"Eggsy?"

Michelle shook his shoulder, and he got up.

He got dressed, and he came downstairs, and Harry was standing in the doorway. He was preoccupied with Daisy, who insisted upon taking his glasses.

He grabbed them back before he looked up, and saw an utterly sick, tired, sad Eggsy.

Harry walked up to him, and inspected him.

"Eggsy?"

He looked up from his space-gaze.

"Harry?" He smiled only a little, and it faded fast.

"Michelle, is it fine if I take him upstairs?"

She nodded, and took Daisy.

Harry walked up the stairs with Eggsy, and once they were in his room Harry became a bit less stiff.

"Roxy says you've been upset recently."

Eggsy looked up at Harry. Some tears were forming in his eye. It was burning, and he disregarded it.

Harry wiped the tears away, and Eggsy looked down.

"I'm not upset. I'm just not okay."

"You're admitting there's a problem?"

"Sure."

Harry nodded.

"Good. At least you're showing progress."

Eggsy leaned against Harry, and looked down at the ground.

"I missed you."

"I missed you, too." Harry fluffed Eggsy's hair, and cupped one of his cheeks.

Eggsy stared up at him, and Harry stared down.

"How about that date?"

Eggsy barely even remembered Harry promised him a date.

So he got up, and Harry did, too, and they went out.

"Bye, Mum!" Eggsy yelled behind him.

She said "bye" right back, and went back to watching TV, while Daisy colored.  
  
\--  
  
Harry decided on a semi-formal place to eat dinner.

They waited in the lobby, and during that time Harry told Eggsy about the mission.

He'd gone to extort information from people who happened to know Valentine and about his plan, yet didn't have the cards. It'd gone smoothly, and now Merlin was working his arse off to process that information.

Eggsy nodded. He wanted to forget that. It was a time he thought Harry was dead, he didn't want to think about that period.

They went to their table. Harry pulled out Eggsy's chair for him, and he went over to the other side of the table.

"I'm not very hungry." Eggsy whispered, and Harry shrugged.

"You can have some of what I get."

Eggsy nodded, and browsed over the menu. His hangover hit him the night prior, so now he was just in a state of "I don't care about the world."

They both sat in silence for a while.

"Eggsy, is this a bad time to take you out?"

Eggsy had barricaded himself behind his menu, and he wouldn't look up.

"I'd rather be home."

Harry nodded, and he took Eggsy under his arm and left the restaurant.

The waitor understood.  
  
\--  
  
Harry took him to his house, and they decided to lie together on the couch.

Eggsy lied with his torso resting on Harry. They kissed a few times, holding each other close, hands running up and down just about every place. Eggsy kissed Harry quick, and he exhaled gently. Harry held tight onto Eggsy's back, hand drifting low as he slipped his tongue into Eggsy's mouth.

They tangled, curled together. A quick sensation rushed through Eggsy, and his breath went heavy. Harry picked up on this, and he let his hand wander. He responded well, and Harry rubbed a bit faster.

Eggsy threw his head forward, head tucking into the crook of Harry's neck.

His hand slipped down the waistband.

Eggsy pulled away, and got up.

He left silently, while Harry sat up, and watched him leave.


	5. Chapter 5

 

Eggsy played over that scene with Harry until his mind was numb. It hurt terribly, and he pushed a nail into his palm. It dug, and when he removed it, he couldn't hardly fold it over.

He swore at himself.

He cursed himself for leaving Harry, right when they were about to finally fuck. The thought of having sex with Harry twisted Eggsy's stomach in a way he loved. It hurt, barely, and it tingled the proper nerves.

Eggsy grinned, and let his hand move down his torso. He didn't let himself stop once. He bit down viciously on a pillow, and his heart raced and pounded hard into his ribs.

With each throb he rubbed harder, he groaned and tried hard to put himself over the edge. And it didn't take him too long any one time.

Each orgasm hurt harder than the last. He bit down, and let himself whimper out softly. It took him twenty minutes to stop.

Once he had, his mind was sinking.

He didn't know why he'd just did that.

Eggsy glanced down at himself. He grabbed at an unwashed shirt and cleaned himself.

He untucked his phone from his jeans coiled around his knees. Eggsy quick-dialed Roxy, and waited as the ring blared. It rattled his uneasy mind.

"Hey," she greeted, sounding worn.

"So, should I consider us dating yet?"

"What? What happened?"

Eggsy paused.

"I just jerked it thinking about him."

Roxy gulped on the other end.

"I'd say that's a sure sign."

"Okay."  
  
\--  
  
Eggsy held three bags in one hand, and Daisy's in the other.

Michelle had insisted they spend time together, so they'd decided that going to the mall would be a wonderful idea.

Eggsy was just glad his mum and little sister were happy.

He didn't mind any stops at all, but his head did hurt, and his stomach was clenching up from the lack of food in his system.

"Where to?" Michelle turned to him, and noticed his hand shoot to his stomach. She took Daisy's hand, and he shrugged.

"Wherever."

She directed them over to the food court, and he went off to get them lunch.

Halfway towards the little Thai place, his feet stopped, and he had to breathe. His head was pounding and he couldn't keep moving.

It took him a few moments to regain his ability to walk. And Michelle and Daisy didn't notice.  
  
\--  
  
He exhaled loudly. He covered his ears with his fingertips and he groaned. With his brows furrowed, Eggsy looked up at the girl standing in front of him. All he'd done was go to the bookstore in a vain attempt to find something about mental health.

But no, this bitch had to be talking quite loudly on her phone, complaining to a friend and arguing with them. On speaker phone.

Eggsy's eyes were wide, and in a moment he would have tried to jam one of the fancy pens up at the counter into her eye. She, despite his noises and glowers, kept going on with her conversation.

The woman at the counter was attempted to tempt her up, but she wouldn't. She persisted in her conversation, crying on and whining about all the "bad things" in her life. Eggsy knew everyone had bad things happen in their lives, but he doubted that her problems were exactly mind-blowing.

Now he sounded like an asshole. But he didn't mind.

She rambled on, and she and her friend started whining to each other. Eggsy scowled.

The woman behind the counter motioned for him to come up and complete his transaction, but no. The girl in front of him stopped him, and said "Hey, I'm next!"

Eggsy threw his hands up, and clutched tighter onto his book.

His nails once again dug hard into his palm, and he thought that he would break the skin.

"Ma'am, please come up to the register, or let the man behind you up next." The woman bargained with her.

The girl in line exhaled, like she was annoyed. Oh, yeah, she was  _so_ annoyed.

She pressed up to the counter, and threw a textbook on the counter.

She got her card swiped, and then she had the nerve to stop, at the register, and continue her conversation.

"Yeah, come over to my place! No, oh my god, shut the hell up! Okay, bitch, you're coming over and we'll study for that calculus final, okayyyy? Yeah, love you, kisses, bye!" She threw her phone in her purse, and tried to carry the book out.

Eggsy finally reached the register, and put three books down.

His palm was bleeding.  
  
\--  
  
He spread out the three books onto the table, and he flipped one open.

The first was "How to Adapt to Sexuality." Sounded like something he would have needed. The next was "Your Mental Health and You," and thirdly, "Homosexuality: Don't Try to Cure It."

The titles all sounded a bit dumb, but he didn't mind it.

Eggsy flipped through his first book, running his fingers down the pages.

This mental health advice was terrible. "Choose Happiness!"

He growled, and pushed it back.

He browsed the second two books, and finally gave up. Money wasted on books that didn't even give advice.  
  
\--  
  
By the time Roxy showed up at Eggsy's house, he had thrown out those self help books and insisted upon curling deep into the couch. He flipped through channels while she sat down. Roxy leaned in against him, and rested her head on his shoulder, her legs sprawled out on Eggsy's lap.

Roxy took the remote, and flipped over to infomercials. Eggsy leaned his head back against the couch, and Roxy crossed her legs.

They spent a few hours doing this - distracting themselves with actors doing incredibly ridiculous things to prove the point of the product. While they were silent, they did smile, and kept coiled close together.

Roxy fell asleep after a while, and Eggsy insisted upon it as well, once he realized Roxy had passed out.

\--

The room was cold by the time Roxy left, and Eggsy woke up.

He felt a lonely twinge, but it lasted only a moment.

He more or less accepted it, she had to do her Kingsman stuff and he had to do his. . .Eggsy stuff.

So he just sat up, and made himself dinner. At twelve pm.

He felt like an old person, and he went to bed at four pm.  
  
\--  
  
Eggsy approached Harry's door, and didn't have to knock. The rain poured heavy, soaking through his jacket before the door opened.

Harry was taking out the trash, and bumped into Eggsy as he opened the door.

He looked up at the man, and felt himself tense up just slightly.

"Eggsy!" He sounded startled. He set down the trashbag beside the cannister, and stood, facing Eggsy.

The boy looked uncomfortable, but soon the feeling faded once Harry walked them both into his house before hugging him and showering kisses onto his chapped lips.

Eggsy held onto Harry, and grinned gently into them. He felt himself loosen, he let himself calm.

They held each other a few moments, and Eggsy looked up at him, smiling.

"I'm sorry I came, if I wasn't welcome," Eggsy started, but Harry shook his head quickly.

"No, Eggsy, you're always welcome. Well, since last night, you're always welcome. Hell, you have been, regardless." Harry sounded quite unsure.

Eggsy kissed him again, and held him in close. He was wet, but slowly warming up.

"I think something's wrong. I haven't been right the last few days and I think something is wrong."

Harry exhaled gently, and let himself rest close against Eggsy.

"I understand, Eggsy. I'll be here to help, as best as I can."

A warm side of Harry Hart that Eggsy couldnt recall ever seeing before was just unfurling in front of him.

Harry sat Eggsy down on the couch, and hugged him close.

"I'll be here, I'll give you anything you need, Eggsy."

And, for the first time in a long time, Eggsy felt safe, and calm. It was all he could have wanted in that very moment.


End file.
